Hello and thanks for visiting my blog and allowing me to tell you a little about myself…
I have been diligently making improvements in my life for years now though I do not consider myself an expert in any way. I have always chosen my own direction and have been pleased with all my results. I lived life to its fullest! You hardly ever saw me without a smile on my face. I had everything a girl could want and I knew it! That is… until I lost someone I loved deeply. That is when everything changed and eventually, I would feel the need to improve!
This all began Jan. 27th, 2001…
That was the day I lost my Father to cancer. There was a big part of me that died with him that day. (The happy part of me) I let the grief take over me as if that were keeping him alive. I could not let go of the sadness, the feeling of loss, etc. Perhaps I felt if I were to be happy, I did not love my Father. How could I continue to be happy if he were not around to see it? This poor attitude effected all my relationships in the worst ways! My friends (including my boyfriend), my work, my family and every area of life in general. I did not wish to spend time with me, why would anyone else? I knew I needed to get out of this rut I had put myself in… I just didn’t know how? By July of the same year, my Mother decided I should buy a place of my own (I had been renting apartments for years). She even offered to help with the finances! I found a condo which suited me perfectly right away. I felt perhaps, my father had somehow made that possible. Like he was there with me. Therefore, I wanted to make both my parents proud so I became obsessed with remodeling it. This kept me active, gave me time off from my depression, and the results were most pleasing. Still I was not whole again. In other words, I was still not happy. How could I be? I spent most of my free time dwelling on all my past mistakes. I wasn't with my Father when he passed, lost my boyfriend of five years, that horrific Christmas when I decided to mix lots of alchohol with my depression… this is what I chose to think about. I barely noticed all the successes!
Well, five years later, a door opened up for me…
It was a great opportunity only I did not see it that way at first. I lost my job. It was in a nice way, still I deemed myself a failure all around. The company I worked for needed to do some cutbacks. My salary was the highest, therefore the one to go. I was offered severence pay, along with unemployment wages. A huge bouquet of flowers awaited me on my last day of work, along with assurance that I did nothing wrong and they had been pleased with my work. Still I chose to only see the negativity in all of this.
My self esteem was at its lowest point, and of course, I was not getting any new jobs offerings. They could probably sense I was not really there, nor interested. Enthusiasm was simply not an option for me at that time, which is needed to land a job.
So I began reading…
Reading anything I could get my hands on to make sense of it all. Fortunately, there are a number of books that could do just that. I even took a class on NLP (nuerolinguistic programming), which led me to discovering Anthony Robbins. He is still one of my favorites, as he is such a great motivator. My interest in self improvement continued to grow, and still does to this day.
Even after finding a nice job, I continued with my reading. After finishing The Secret, I was intrigued more and more about the universal law of attraction. For the first time, I could clearly see that I was bringing the negative reactions into my life! So I only needed to reverse it. This was much harder than it sounds, but I would not give up on it. I needed help with controlling my thoughts and through determination, I found it!
Several programs in fact that can help with the use of self hypnosis, subliminal messages, meditational programs such as holosync and brain entrainment. I began reciting positive affirmations daily, found the use of vision boards, and the power of writing down your goals (This really helps you to stay focused).
Things were finally looking up for me…
I was content with myself and life once again. I thank God and the Universe daily for all these great gifts… my healthy mind, body, and spirit, my successes, my friends, my family, my pets, my home, talents, skills, and all my experiences! I found gratitude is the key to happiness. It’s true! Being grateful for what you have just brings more of it into your life.
Now my happiness continues to grow more than the sadness ever did. I can't really say I'm successful in terms of career choice yet, but at least I'm enjoying the ride again! I still think about my father on a daily basis, only I no longer feel sadness when I do. I feel joy and appreciation to have him as my Father now and forever. His picture is centered as a focal point in my condo and I even speak to him at times. I continue to enjoy reading, but I also enjoy acting and writing as well. I enjoy working , spending time with friends and family, walking, shopping, yoga, the list just goes on and on.
I truly am so grateful to for all this enjoyment I call Life, which is why I so desperately wish to help others discover their true potential. I decided to make this my solemn vow from here on… to help others in any way I can! As Wayne Dyer says:
When you search for happpiness, it will always elude you. When you seek happiness for others… you will find it yourself.
“If I can do it, anyone can and that”s the truth”!